Symphony
by Kris Ice
Summary: Quatre deals with the aftermath of Trowa's 'death'.
1.

I'm not sure how this turned out, but I tried. 

Title: Symphony   
Author: Kris   
Part: 2/2   
Pairings: 3+4   
Warnings: angst, yaoi  
Disclaimer: The characters and their world doesn't belong to   
me. That should cover it.   
Notes: Enjoy! Quatre's POV 

Symphony   
---------- 

There he is! I almost didn't believe it when Duo told me he was alive. I can feel my heart breaking all over again, this time with joy. I didn't kill him. I didn't commit the biggest sin the world would have known. I didn't destroy that other half of me. I walk toward him with tears in my eyes, calling his name. I am so happy to see him, and yet... He pulls away from me, fear in his eyes. What is wrong with him? Doesn't he know me? That old symphony echoes in my ears like the strains of a demented demon, laughing at my pain. 

He has lost his memory. Catherine was right to throw me out. I was wrong; I had destroyed him. I had destroyed his very sense of being. He was no longer the Trowa I knew and love. I look up at the stars, tears flowing freely down my face. I had killed him out there in space. He was so innocent now, so fragile. Seeing him like that made me want to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. But he was afraid of me. Was there no way to help him? I want so badly to run back to that circus tent and hold him close. I want to comfort him and whisper that it would be alright in his ear. Catherine guards him like a momma cat defending her kitten. She won't let me get close to him. But I have to. I have to remind him of who he is. I have to bring 'Trowa' back. We need him. *I* need him. That night, I again pull out my violin, hoping to find comfort in its soothing voice. Instead, I find myself playing that sad song, reaffirming my new identity as Nanashi. I destroyed him; I don't have the right to enjoy the light. 

He came. I don't know why, but he's come back. He's chosen to go back to the battlefield with us. Even if he can remember anything, his body still know how to fight and his heart knows the fierce protectiveness I used to see reflected in his eyes. 

My heart hurts to see him like this, so lost and alone. I want to walk over and hold him. But would he welcome my touch? He let me hug him before, but now that he doesn't know me would he still welcome that comfort? That fragile, broken look in his eyes every time someone reminds him of his lack of memories cuts through my soul. I want to protect him; I want to be his friend. No, it's time to be honest, if only to myself. I want to know him as more than a friend. I want to know what makes him laugh, what makes him cry at night, I want to be the one he clings to when the world gets to be too much. Duo would say that it's all because of the guilt I feel for what I have done. True, I do feel guilty, but it goes beyond that. And I think that Duo should learn to open his own eyes. I have seen him watch Heero from a distance with an odd look on confusion on his face. In my room, I let my guard down and let myself cry, Trowa's favorite symphony echoing in my ears. 

I can't let him fight! I have to stop him! He can't handle Zero in his condition; it will kill him! Please, Heero. Why don't you understand? The others do. We have to help him; we have to stop him. He can't fight like this, especially not in Zero. It will destroy what is left of his soul. Please, Allah, if you can hear me, save him. Don't let Zero claim what's left of the boy I've come to love. Trowa, come back to me. Don't do this! Sobbing softly, I race after him, hearing again that damned song. 

He remembers! Blessed Allah, he finally remembers everything! But is that truly a good thing? He must have remembered that I am the one that caused him to loose his memory. He has to remember that I killed him. Yet, he acts as if that battle never happened. He acts as if he's just picking up where he left off. No, something has changed. What, I'm not sure, but I can feel it. He's more confidant in himself and something else is different. I'm not sure how to describe the change in him; all I can say is that it is there. A tiny spark of hope begins to burn within my heart. Perhaps now, if he has forgiven me, I can start to reach out to him. Please, Allah, you have just given him back to me, don't let me lose him. Perhaps now, I can escape the music that haunts me so. 

Warm heat surrounds me as he holds me tight. Tears slip from my eyes, but my moans and cries reassure him that they are not from pain. It feels so wonderful. I never thought I could ever feel like this. When I first considered giving myself to him, I thought it would hurt. I didn't have much to go on as a reference; after all I only had sisters. But there is no pain, I can feel only pleasure. A fire is building up within me and he stokes it higher with each thrust. I'm sure that I'm moaning loud enough to be heard on the other side of the Peacemillion, but I don't care. Our bodies are moving in an endless symphony of love and I am overwhelmed. I gave the one I love my heart, my body, and my soul, and he's taking me to heaven. I thrust my hips up to his, whimpering a bit. I know there is more; I want to know the rest. I want to reach the top of the cliff that we are climbing and jump off with him. Suddenly, he starts stroking me in time with his thrusts. I can't help myself but to start moaning louder and start gasping for breath. It won't be long now. I can feel the pressure has built up to a bursting point. As his mouth fastens on mine, I fall off the cliff. My scream is muffled in his mouth as I empty my passion across our sweat stained bodies. A few moments later, he whimpers softly and climaxes within me. The warm sensation of him almost makes me come again. Exhausted, he collapses above me, but quickly pulls away to avoid crushing me. I wrap my arms around him and snuggle close, tomorrow will be soon enough for a bath. I can feel my eyelids getting heavy, but I fight to stay awake so I can watch him. I love the sated look in his eyes as he studies me. I smile and lean forward to claim his lips again. As I pull back, he whispers something that makes me freeze. 

"I love you." 

I blink in stunned stupidity. He had never spoken those words before, and now... I know he means them. I can feel the truth of them in my heart. 

"I love you, too," I whisper softly in return, wishing I knew a poetic way to express my feeling to him. I have come up with several. But when I am with him, they all seem to vanish from my mind. He smiles at my simple words. A true, genuine, relaxed smile. One that melts my heart everytime I see it. He closes his smoky green eyes and falls asleep under my watchful gaze. Finally, I can resist sleep no more. As I can feel the darkness dragging me in, I smile. I think it's time I wrote a new symphony. 

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	2. Aftermath of Trowa's Death

Symphony 

This is just a little something that came to me when I was rewatching my GW tapes. Don't worry, I'm still working on the next part of my series. 

Title: Symphony   
Author: Kris   
Part: 1/2   
Pairings: 3+4   
Warnings: angst, yaoi   
Disclaimer: The characters and their world doesn't belong to   
me. That should cover it.   
Notes: Enjoy! Quatre's POV 

Symphony   
---------- 

Slowly, my hands caress the ivory keys, bring voice to my grief. I mourn for you, and I know that I can never forgive myself for what I have done. Why do I stay if I hurt so much, you ask? I stay because others need me. I stay because I am too much of a coward to let go and face you. 

I close my eyes to block out the light, where I am should always be bathed in darkness. You called me your angel, but I am no heavenly messenger. I am bathed in blood and destruction. I have the stain of innocent blood on my hands and heart and no amount of tears can wash it away. Even worse, I have shed your blood. 

As I let the haunting melody take me from this place of light and hope, I can see you once again trying valiantly to stop me from my madness. For I was mad, I think you both saw that. My father's pain tore me apart and exposed my carefully hidden darkness to the world. And you, my love, paid the ultimate price for my sins. 

Behind the shadows of my eyes, the memories we shared dance and taunt me. I snuffed out your light, far sooner then you should have met that fate. I, who you gave your heart to, ripped it from your chest. 

Your pain awoke me from the darkness, showed me the error of my ways, but it was far too late. I could not save you, and Heero thought of me as the bigger threat. Despite what he says, I know that it wasn't all Zero. Zero merely accented the darkness. I created it. 

As I slowly drift, my hands start to play a familiar tune. One you and I once shared. Your favorite symphony. You once said that the melencoly tone fit your soul. Well, it fits mine far better now, for I have no more light, no hope. 

I wish to join you in the eternal darkness, my soul is there already, but Heero needs me to look out for him, as do the others. I will care for them, my sleeping prince, until they are safe and then I will join you. Like the symphony I play, I know that the end shall come, far sooner than the listener might think. Suddenly, it all makes since. I am the symphony, a collection of sounds, of ideas. Soon, I shall bring my symphony to a close and move into the next with you. 

Decision made, I slowly start to drift up from my dreams to hear Miss Noin calling me. Although I answer and speak to her as if nothing has changed I am no longer who I was. I rename myself for you. Quatre Rababa Winner died with you. Now, I am Nanashi. 

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End file.
